Not My Choice

'If I ever had my own home, I would finally have a place where I could be safe. Where no one could send me away...' That's what I thought when I was sixteen and suddenly had nowhere to go.

It involved two children: a boy who had just turned eighteen and his fifteen-year-old sister. They had supposedly been sent to visit family, but their mother had other plans.

I grew up in a family where girls are not only daughters, but also represent the honour of the family. In our family, you had to remain a virgin until marriage. Especially according to my parents.

It was about a young girl who was sent from the Netherlands to Egypt. On the surface, everything seemed fine: she was allowed to finish school and would live with her mother. But behind that façade, she lived like a prisoner.

It was a situation that changed my life forever. I felt devastated, but I had to keep going. Not because I had hope, but because I had no choice. I mentally died five times, but I'm still here. And that's why I know I'm strong.

I remember it well: the voice on the other end of the line was nervous. ‘My boyfriend is stuck in Africa. His parents mustn't find out. Can you help?’ It was a boy of African descent, raised in the Netherlands, and he was desperate.

My mother and sister were hiding in a small room. I was called to bring tea. That was my moment. My chance to look at him for a moment. And then I had to say: yes or no. But actually... of course I never really had a choice.

She travelled to her home country. Together with her husband and their two children. Everything seemed normal: a family holiday. A break from it all. But once they arrived at his family's home, he changed.

It was as if I was living two lives. One in which I was allowed to discover things and had a little freedom. And one in which everything had already been mapped out for me. Where I had no say. No voice.

I was helping a brother and sister, two kids who had been left behind by their mum in their home country. Their mum's situation was hopeless. She was on her own, with no support, no network, and in her desperation, she decided to send her oldest kids to distant relatives.