Tak wai

Sometimes I carry something with me for years, even though I shut down my computer after work. This story is one such experience for me.

Brother and sister

I was helping a brother and sister, two kids who had been left behind by their mum in their home country. Their mum’s situation was hopeless. She was on her own, with no support, no network, and in her desperation, she decided to send her oldest kids to distant relatives. What she didn’t know was that those relatives wouldn’t protect them. No school, no love, no safety. The girl was treated like a house slave, even by uncles and aunts who lived nearby. The boy had a little more freedom, but he was physically abused.

And then, a year later, the girl was married off. She was only fifteen years old. Her life became a nightmare. She lived alternately with her violent husband and her family. The realisation hit them hard: if they wanted to escape, they would have to do it themselves. In secret, they saved small amounts of money, the change from shopping, carefully hidden. Eventually, they had enough to go to an internet café, where they contacted their old mentor in the Netherlands. The school put them in touch with me and the LKHA.

Their first attempt to flee failed. They were stopped at customs because they were travelling without their family’s permission. They were interrogated, detained and eventually returned to the family that had abused them so badly. The situation then became even more restrictive. There was no contact for months, but they did not give up. After a long time, full of risk and fear, they tried again. This time they succeeded, with a mixture of luck and immense courage.
When they finally arrived in the Netherlands, they were still minors. Returning to their mother was no longer an option. My colleagues and I applied for temporary guardianship from the Child Protection Board. The boy was placed in a foster family, and the girl, who was almost an adult, started supported independent living. When I saw the brother and sister later, it became clear how much they had both suffered. The scars will always remain.

When I saw the brother and sister later, it became clear how much they had both suffered. The scars will always remain.

It’s not easy

I always wanted to make a difference, but in this case in particular, I felt the powerlessness that I sometimes experience in my work. How little you can do, especially when you are dealing with systems that seem so far away, in countries where everything is organised differently. Fortunately, I am good at switching off. When my computer is off, my phone is off… I can let go of work in my head too. But that’s not easy. Especially when you know that it involves such young children. Children who were forced to grow up far too quickly. Who had to survive, without the chance to just be children.

Why this story needs to be told

Stories like this need to be shared. Not to shock, but to raise awareness. Forced marriage and abandonment are not “far-from-my-bed” problems. It can happen anywhere. In any community, in any economic situation. And it still happens, every day. I hope that parents, when they are struggling, will seek help sooner. Here, in the Netherlands. And I hope that young people know: if something doesn’t feel right or isn’t your choice, you can ask for help. Ultimately, it’s about humanity. About taking care of yourself and each other. About keeping your eyes and ears open, even when everything tries to make you believe that it’s not your problem.